Breastfeeding a Toddler

   I remember the first time a friend of mine told me she was still breastfeeding her son (15 months at the time). In my head I was shocked, but outwardly I supported her. She could still sense the surprise in my voice, I'm sure. I talked to Andrew about it later that night and how crazy it was to be nursing a child that was so much older. I certainly would only nurse my babies until they were a year. That seemed reasonable…right? I literally laugh every time I think about this conversation now and I also feel like it was an alien person that had those thoughts.

too much boob?

Those thoughts came from a woman who had NEVER seen another woman breastfeed a baby. Well…ok I watch the Discovery channel. Seriously, it is outrageous to me that I had never seen a woman breastfeed. Bottles and cribs, bottles and cribs. So I get why I have rebelled against that system entirely. But it hasn't been a juvenile rebellion. It has been more of a " why didn't people tell me about this little gym of a secret" rebellion. That and my aversion to formula became stronger the longer I had my breastfeeding relationship with my little one.

         I'm trying to put my self in other people's shoes now that I have been nursing this kid for 21 months and see why I am in the tiniest percentile of the population doing this at his age. I know it is a conglomerate of reasons and every nursing relationship is unique. That still does not account for the kind of numbers you see with women in America nursing a toddler.
       I know the forefront of this battle is simply getting women to do it in the first place. So I understand the lack of effort in pushing for what is coined as "extended" breastfeeding. Is it really such a big deal? Why do Americans have internal battles with this concept while the rest of the world simply does it? Because I am pretty sure A LOT of women breastfeed past infancy and simply hide their little secret from most of the populace. All of this being said, I have not received one bit of flack from my family or friends for continuing to breastfeed my child. I've only had questions about common mis-conceptions from time to time.

Perhaps that is where the beast lies, in the common misconceptions:

If you don't stop breastfeeding by a year, they will nurse forever.

     - I love this one! Because we have all of these high schoolers clambering for their moms! Nursing is a developmental need. As that need goes away, so does the act. The timeline in which that need goes away is MUCH longer than most acknowledge or are willing to deal with. Thus pacifiers and lovies!

Breastfeeding will prevent you from having more children.

    - As it turns out, if you are feeding on demand and the hormonal stars align, this statement isn't far off. However, as little one gradually stops nursing as much, all of your lady parts will come back to full function and future babies will appear, whether or not you are breastfeeding. There are always exceptions so please don't' nit pic. 

They will never learn to self soothe.

   - A common and deeply ingrained American fear. Nature does not develop something so pristine only to saddle you with an offspring that won't eventually manage its self and go on to create other little offspring. Again, I think this is a timeline issue. My son will now roll over when he is done nursing, say "night night" and go to sleep all on his own.

There is no nutritive value in breastfeeding past a year.

    - This is why we feed our kids whole cows milk during their toddler years. It isn't because we are a species who developed a need for another species milk. It is because we don't feed our babies our whole milk long enough, so we need to supplement for the brain development. 

There could be psychological damage.

    - In the grand scheme of things that could cause psychological damage to our little ones….this ain't one of them! Again, nature does not develop a system that will harm the offspring in the long run. On top of that, most children, especially in America, are weaned before they ever have their first long term memory. The most I've seen psychologically from a toddler that does recall being breastfed is they mimic that behavior with stuffed animals. I think the crux of this idea lies in associating breastfeeding with some sort of sexual relationship. Trust me, there is NOTHING sexual about it.

The mother has some sick issue with not letting the kid grow up.

    - This is like men deciding if women get to have rights to abortion. Please do not speak until you have spoken to or interacted with this type of relationship one-on-one. Nature has created a healthy attachment to the breastfeeding relationship so the mother will continue to do it. However, the idea of making yourself available to another being on their whim day and night? Trust me it takes A LOT of patience and dedication. 

      I think those are the big ones. There is a lot less control with breastfeeding an older child in some ways. I think most people focus on that aspect because they have a hard time wrapping their head around how  it could provide control. For instance, when Silas gets extremely frustrated over something very minor, I simply offer to nurse him and he calms down with in 30 seconds. Instead of telling my son to breath and discuss the emotions he is feeling and why (which I can't at this age), I offer him something that is extremely comforting and soothing. As a matter of fact it physically offers pain relief. I see this as a mechanism to lower my child's stress levels and allow him more time to process events and emotions rather than be wrapped up in them. This tool is invaluable to me! It calms me down too. It gives me perspective of my son's life and allows me to empathize deeply with how he is feeling. Therefore, the way I manage him during emotional whirl winds is much more structured. It is most definitely a two way street.

    When does it end? When we both decide its ok to move on I suppose. I'm much more passive about breastfeeding at this age, but if I see he really needs more of it then I step up to the plate. Of course I sometimes wish I could just be left alone. But having a child meant I was over me and on to bigger things.

Sweet Dreams (21 months)

   Its not even that late, but it's late in my house. I just snuck away from a little boy and my husband to finally update this blog! I had to patiently lay, nursing Silas in the dark for some time and then out of the blue, right when I thought he was falling asleep, he says "potty". So I quietly pull off his diaper and cover and place him on the little potty on the floor by my side of the bed. He goes and then grabs on to me so I can put him back in bed with his now more of a back up diaper than anything. As soon as it is on, he rolls over to the middle of the bed on to his belly and says "night night" and within three minutes I hear the paced breathing of a sleeping little boy.

   When did I lose my baby and attain this child? I know the ebb and flow of need and independence is constant. But he is most definitely more a little man cub than the baby bean he used to be. In the last few months, our child has been working on speaking and imagination. He tries out words while watching our mouths and has the most adorable version of english I think we have ever heard.

  Si and Dallis will pretend they are preparing food or being parents. They will put stuffed animals to bed and Dallis will pretend she is breastfeeding. Of course Silas has very simply fantasies he creates since his vocabulary is limited to names of people he loves, animals…he loves, and food…he loves. Ok, there is a lot of love in his speak right now. Food might include "gookie". Type that into your word document and see what auto correct does with it. Yes, it is that word. Most words have g's in them. But not "eggs", they are just "ay's". This is that time frame in which only those who are around the toddler A LOT know what they are actually saying. Don't worry, the garble is becoming clearer by the week. I'm sure by 2 years old, his sentences will be much more discernible and you won't have to stare at him blankly while he has an entire conversation with you…about? Something to do with a ball and a shoe…Its like hearing someone speak through a thick pane of glass sometimes.

Anyway, I digress.

lounging

Putting puppy to bed. Can you see the little nose?

School has been very intense for both Andrew and I, especially since it is the middle of the semester. I have not been the most successful researcher thus far, but I've been told this is the norm and I am on the up hill drag of the degree. Andrew on the other hand has been creating a garden club at work that seems to be quite popular amongst the students and has to be cathartic after being in a class room all day. There is some fun research out suggesting bacteria in the soil release antidepressant type compounds. So dig in the dirt! And no I'm not implying teaching is depressing. It's an awesome job! I'm just saying gardening is good for all creatures. 

SCIENCE!

So strong!

On labor day we went up to Linville NC and stayed with our friends Brittany, Austin and Clara at their family's cabin for the weekend. It was so amazing to be back in the mountains and Brittany and Austin are so much fun to hike and hang out with! Clara, their newest addition (3.5 months at this point) is the chillest, happiest baby!! They are doing a great job with that little sweat pea =).

Brittany made this carrier!!

Two chittlens, no problem

I turned 30 years old this month (yes it is October and yes it took me since August to update…I'm sorry). I think society sees this birthday as a re-evaluation birthday. As if you are suddenly out of the club scene (and if you aren't you should be) and if you are going to have a mid-life crisis…now is the time! I'm good society! I've got my best friend as my life partner, I have this gorgeous baby boy and academia has been good to me so far. If I were to croak today, I did some good things. So turning thirty  was fine. Andrew took Si and I camping and it gave me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. I love my boys.

One of my favorite girls from grad school married her sweetheart this month. That was a blast! We got to stay at a large, beautiful hunting cabin in Limestone Tennessee with all of my girls from ETSU for two nights. It was gorgeous, fun and I am beyond happy for her.

DNA base pair necklaces!!

Congrats Brittany!!

I promise Si isn't angry

Anyway, that about wraps it up for now.  I hope all is well in the land of Oz. Until next time…